hi lol life has been lifeing lately it's been ummmm interesting i guess idk sorry for no updates as u can see i have multiple posts prewritten that i just never got around to posting cause i'm lazy
it's feb 26 today i got back from reading week on saturday and my mom took me grocery shopping on sunday so now i am rich with foodstuffs it's awesome we went to t&t and food basics and also during reading week we got me lots of cat food and etc as well. 3 days before reading week my monitor started getting lines on the screen that wouldn't go away even if i unplugged it for an hour and then turned it back on and sometimes when the lines would miraculously go away the screen brightness would flicker really fast and it gave me headaches so during the break my mom used her credit card points to help me pay for a new monitor ^_^ and she and my dad also got me a new desk chair as an early birthday present cause they won't see me during my bday... when i got back on saturday i went to unplug the old monitor to set up the new one and it turned on and there were no lines on the screen and it was working fine FUCK THIS STUPID GAY EARTH well it's fine because now i have 2 monitors i guess. i had to order a hdmi splitter from amazon since my pc only has one hdmi port so the old monitor is currently hooked up to my dumb as fuck slow as fuck stupid fucking laptop in the meantime. i played minecraft with youtube on the second monitor yesterday it was just like the olden days of playing minecraft on my dad's pc in elementary school before he got home from work with nightcore or creepypasta videos on the other screen. i always had the lights off too and i would get so fucking scared every time there was a cave sound because hero brian is literally right behind me in real life. well anyways thats my story
i have a midterm today at 4 (it is 1:28) i currently am not in class because i woke up at 2 am and couldn't fall back asleep until 7:30 and then i finally woke back up at 8:30 and i literally could not move like my body was so slow and i was so tired i could barely open my eyes. my morning class only has 3 unexcused absences before u can't take the final and i only has one left >_<> but i literally physically could not get up so now i have to be on that university grind for the rest of the term... well it is almost march anyways so it's not that bad. the midterm i am a little worried about but i am leaving for it just after 3 so i will be able to study for about an hour before i have to go take it. it is morphology tho so i think it will be ok i love morphology
before the break i had to go finally pick up my morphology textbook from the uni bookstore because for some fucking reason it took them 15 million years to get it in.. at the same time i got my history of english rental finally and there was a sign there that said all rentals have to be checked in at the cash so i was like ok let me go do that i guess.. i go up and im like hi it says i need to check this in? and the person at the cash was like ok one minute and theyre clicking away and then theyre finished but they don't give me the book so i'm like is it all good?? and they're like yea..? well it turns out by checked in they meant RETURNED seriously fuck off. i literally had it for 5 fucking seconds. well im not gonna pay to rent it again who cares my mom has a copy of a previous edition so i just stole that TAKE THAT ASSHOLE
also a continuation of the saga of my friend who will remain nameless you may recall in the previous episode she went to the hospital well she got out and all was well until last tuesday she messaged me on monday night being like hey can we call i need to talk to u... and i was super high but i was like im free to call if it's urgent but if not maybe it should wait until tomorrow because i am so baked rn and she was like yea it can wait lets talk tomorrow morning.. we were gonna talk at 10 and i set my alarm for then but it didn't go off so i ended up waking up at 11 which is annoying but whatever i messaged her like sorry overslept i'm free now. and then we call and blah blah blah basically she needs more space alone because she needs to idk think about our relationship going forwards with the knowledge that i'm not in love with her like she is with me?? and kind of work on her self a bit as well. and all of that is fine i won't begrudge her for that at all cause i 100% want her to feel her best and obviously she feels like shit rn which i totally get. but she also asked me to reflect on our relationship and her place in my life becauee i don't love her in a way she understands and i'm emotionally unavailable... and like. sure i will reflect and think about stuff but i kind of already know shere she stands in my life and it really isn't something that she will want to hear..
because like. she says that i am their favourite person and i make her feel good and happy and loved and all that which i'm glad!! i want her to feel all of those things all the time!!!! but in 2021 we had a huge fight because i used to be a giant asshole online (and obviously i feel so insanely bad about that now and i have tried my best to move away from that and grow as a person and etc) but thry took all those things i used to be a huge bitch about and like. internalized them?? and then by the time i had moved away from them and started to explore my identity again she had been secretly holding on to those beliefs and just been hating me behind my back for like a year or maybe more idk and she threw them back in my face, insulting not just me but also my friends as well (and i'm kind of bad at irl friendships so online friendships mean a lot to me so like if it was just me it would have been whatever but she was saying such awful things about my friends too) and it just hurt a lot because part of the reason i was such an asshole was because i was insecure about feeling those things and wanting to just be normal and fit in. and then when it was my best friend like literally the other half of me saying that exact stuff after i finally felt comfortable expressing those parts of me that i shoved down and hated for so long.. and saying it about my friends too. that we're destroying the lgbt community and shit. i just couldn't do it. i was basically pleading with her to just take back the bare minimum of what she was saying and then we could be fine and i would forget it. but she couldn't even do that and so i had to cut off literally the most treasured relationship i've ever had in my life. it's kind of hard to explain what she meant to me but she was everything. no other friendship i've ever had (and maybe will ever have) can compare to what i had with her like we were basically one person. and obviously we had our ups and downs and she had alot of her own stuff going on and so did i to a lesser extent but through the end of middle school and nearly all of high school she was basically the only person who existed to me. i only focused on her, not my other friends or anyone else. and then she was telling me that i'm basically one of the worst people alive. and my other online friends were the other worst people alive. soooo yea i was kind of destroyed lol
and after that we didn't speak at all for like 6 months. at that time thry had moved from our hometown to a nearby city because of home stuff that was really fucked and she'd dropped out of school so i didn't have to see her which made it easier on me i guess. and i had my friend ada who honestly was really really helpful to me and i am so grateful to her for being there for me through that because it really fucked me up. even now i don't feel comfortable sharing a lot of parts of myself i don't really talk about much because i'm always worried that it will just get thrown back in my face again. and i know now that the whole thing was probably a case of 'leave them before they leave me' and that she sometimes thinks in black and white and i understand that but it still doesn't make the things they said to me ok and it doesn't change the way she deeply hurt me. in our time apart i also wasn't just sad about losing such a treasured relationship, but i was also really angry about it. angry at myself for having been involved in those spaces online and it obviously rubbing off on her and angry at her for harbouring that resentment for so long and not saying a thing. and angry at her for dumping it on me like that and angry that she never once thought about why i was trying to be a better person and that she never tried to understand it or understand me. so i kind of channelled that anger and it became like. fuck you i'm not going to let you ruin me. and it kind of fuelled me to keep going for a bit, and i kept going and kept trying to be true to myself. i kind of used it as an excuse for self improvement, i would tell myself that it doesn't matter what other people think about me, if my best friend can say that shit about me and i can keep going then nothing else anybody has to say matters either. it took me a little while but i figured out who i am without her. and i figured out that without her in my life the sun doesn't stop shining and the world keeps spinning and i can be ok by myself. it still felt like there was a giant gaping hole in my heart where she used to be but i could patch it up with other things and i would be okay
obviously she apologized and we made up eventually but when she finally reached out to me i told her that it wasn't going to be the same as it was before. and now i don't know that she really understood what i meant by that. because now she tells me that i'm her other half and i'm everything to her and like. i felt like that too. but i don't anymore. and i don't think that i can feel like that again. i want to say that it's not her it's me, but thr truth is that it is her. she broke my trust so badly that i don't think i have it in me to open myself up to her like that again. we can be close friends and i will be there for her if she needs support.. but we can't be like it was before. and if i'm being honest i don't want it to be like it was before. we're adults now and the world doesnt revolve around another person. i have school and a cat who needs attention and other friends who i can't neglect and job hunting and she has to work on herself and get a job eventually and we both have to keep going. and i know it's different for her because she's mentally ill in a way i'm not, but i won't let myself be put through that again. maybe i will feel differently in 6 months or a year or 5 years but at least right now she doesn't get to claim that much of me again. she doesn't occupy that same place in my life and in my heart.
she's said to me that she doesn't understand where they stand in my life, because i've talked about having other best friends and stuff. and she's asked me exactly what makes her valuable to me. and idk it's kind of hard for me to answer that because the way my mind works doesn't really like. calculate exactly how valuable a person is to me or exactly why they are valuable to me?? i count her among ada, ylfva, rue (though we've drifted apart some) etc as one my my best friends, and maybe she's at the top of the list because of how much history we have and how much i enjoy being around her and spending time with her, but she's not THE best friend anymore. and she's my friend because she's kind and funny, she has cool interests, she's a talented artist, she generally treats me well, we have lots of fun inside jokes and memes we like to send to each other, and i think in general she's a really cool person and i just like being around her and i'm grateful that she is in my life. and i guess those are kind of generic traits and she's said as much to me when they ask, but you can't really ask me to list every single thing that i like about a person. it doesn't really work like that. when i think of why a person is my friend i think of stuff we do together, how they make me feel and how they treat me, stuff we have in common, etc. it's hard for me to come up with a list of things, but i try. and she's said that she doesn't understand what she is to me and i've tried to explain it but i also feel like. she's having a really rough time right now and i don't want to make it worse by being like. yea u were everything to me but then u betrayed me and you don't mean to me what u used to. this all sucks
i don't think i'm that emotionally unavailable, i'm just bad at being vulnerable myself and i never know what to say to people when having heavier discussions in person.. it's a lot easier over text because i can take time to find the best way to convey my thoughts. but also sometimes i just can't think of anything valuable to add to the conversation. i am bad at conversations in general to be honest i always forget that i am supposed to reciprocate and say things so the convo always dies... when my one friend crashed at my place in november he kept trying to talk to me but i literally never had anything to add to the conversation and it would get so awkward and i could tell he was frustrated about it but i literally just did't know what to say at all ToT it didn't help that he isn't into many of the things i am... WHAT EVEN EVER i try my best
it's the next day now btw my midterm went fine it was actually kindof fun i love morphology i think it went pretty well. today me and cricket went outside because for some reason its almost 15 degrees in february... anyways we met one of the neighbourhood strays who didn't like cricket getting less than 20cm away from him but it was fine i gave him a freeze dried minnow and we went on our way. cricket doesn't like to actually walk very far so we weren't out for long but it was nice to be outside and in the sun. did i mention about my 2 monitors... yes i did no update on the second hdmi splitter so far it should be here within the next hour or so atleast thats what intelcom says if it doesn't come by the time i post this today i will put an update i prommy (different way of saying promise)
i took some zzzquil last night cause i am trying to cut down on the weed smoking and it's hard for me to sleep without it so i took the recommended dose, went to sleep around 10 and literally woke up at 11am um hello? i set my alarm for 9... whatever its fine next time (tonight) i will only take 1 pill instead of 2. this week i need to catch up on all my semantics and ethics notes and also some history of english. i am also going to send out more job apps cause i still have heard back from exactly ZERO these bitches... wel my old summer job from last year asked if im coming back and while i very much do not want to go back to my hometown i said yes just in case i don't get anything here. i have mostly been applying for student jobs cause they pay more but if push comes to shove i will apply for some full or part time regular jobs and maybe get a second one if i need to. i am hoping for above minimum wage but min wage is $16.55 now so if i really have to go mim wage i think i can survive cause on a full time work schedule 16.55 x 35hours per week is almost 600/week so thats over 2k per month. which doesn't seem like a lot considering rent prices but not to brag but my rent is actually awesome cause i am a hashtag bargain hunter and also got insanely lucky with this place. so that would not only cover rent completely but also allow me to save as well. and the only big expenses i really have for the summer would be rent groceries and cricket's vet visit to update his shots. so yea as long as i can find a full time or 2 part times then i will be just fine and dandy thumbs up emoji
hdmi splitter just got here a minute ago while i was doing my math for above lets try it out... ok well it works the problem is my monitor broke again <3 it works ok on my laptop?? but not my pc for some reason. whatever i can have 3 screens then i guess idk whatever. ok i am going to go do job apps and then play minecraft i probably will post this later tonight bye. also preb post below this one
feb 6 (tues)
hii sorry i didnt update in january i wrote some posts as u can see (below this) but never uploaded them oopsie oh well
it is almost midterm season... i still have not been regularly going to classes for some reason it's been so hard to get myself out of bed before like 3 pm most days which SUCKS but i am doing my best. i at least have been going to history of english because attendance is mandatory. ethics still is stupid semantics for some fucking reason has been online this whole time and i just never knew cause i always skipped it.. well next week i will go to the tutorial. so. amthropology sucks the prof is obviously new to teaching and thats fine but i just dont like the way she teaches her slideshows are always so short and she assigns really long readings (which i don't do because idgaf).. i love morphology i have been getting 90s in the homework (not even cheating!!! i am just good at finding patterns) and i like the prof too even tho he doesn't use slideshows at all which means if i miss class i have to review from the book myself. which btw i ordered the book from the uni bookstore 3 weeks ago and it still isnt ready and i think my history of english rental hold expired too since i never went to pick it up bc i was waiting for the morphology book !!!! FUCK YOU UNIVERSITY BOOKSTORE whatever history of english is still going well too i am liking it a lot. midterm for it next week but thats ok i will survive.
my friend and i talked! there was a lot going on with her and i think my rejection was kind of the tipping point bc she had to take a while away from me, there was more to it than i had realized or wanted to think so we had a long conversation about it (well it was more her talking and me listening but anyways), blah blah blah stuff im not putting on the internet cause not my business but she is going to the hospital now and idk when she will be discharged but i will miss them thile they're gone but i really hope it helps them feel better and not be hurting as much as they have been for a long time.
the week after next is reading week and i am excited for a whole week of doing nothing! it will be awesome i have been applying to lots of student jobs, mostly out my way but my old job from last year asked if i want to come back for this summer so i told them yes just to have that as a backup plan in case i can't find anything here... i really do not want to go back to my hometown tho. it's not even living with my parents that's the problem but like. everything else about it. i hate the town my room is always damp my sister uses the car now too theres nothing to do i have no friends there etc etc etc also its just so much easier for me to live here... like i can't let my apartment get too messy because of cricket, i have to do dishes and litter and etc in a timely manner because if i don't then no one else will, everything is so close together so like when i'm doing dishes if i forget one by my bed i literally take like 3 steps and grab it whereas at my parents house my room is in the basement and the kitchen is upstairs so i have to go all the way downstairs to my room to grab dishes and bring them all the way back up to the kitchen. i think a studio apartment is actually like the ideal layout for me. i already renewed my lease and they are only raising my rent by like 25 dollars which is nothing its so awesome
hm what else......OH YEAH I FAILED THE JLPT LOLLLL i passed the reading/grammar part but the listening part got me and i didn't pass it which means i failed the whole test ughhhhh so annoying.. well i will retake it i guess. i also am trying to stop smoking so much weed i feel like it is getting a bit excessive.. ooh ooh also i got a pair of keen hiking sandals off depop and they are SO FUCKING COMFORTABLE ive been wearing them everyday. and i also got a knit mock neck vest shirt thing which is sooo cute i love it.
well thats everything i think ok bye
helloooooo ^_^ happy 2024 sorry this update is a little late.. i have an extra entry from xmastime i never posted so i will put that at the bottom of this one.
it's been about 2 weeks since classes started and i am... well it's been going. first week i was planning on only skipping the first 2 days (i got back on the sunday and monday night my friend and i had a little celebration for her bday so i was gonna skip tuesday too (8:30am class -_-::)) but then on wednesday morning i found a note my friend left me saying essentially that she had been in love with me for years and only got the confidence to tell me because she listened to a playlist i had sent her which made her think that i felt the same way and so i skipped wed classes as well because i kind of had to process that (and then thur and fri i was just tired lol i don't have an excuse).. there was more to it than that in the note but i'm not gonna get super into it because not everything needs to be published to the internet (i am not even 100% comfortable even getting as much into it as i am now..)/ the playlist in question was just a new everyday musics playlist i's made in november and sent her during a convo about music, it totally was not my intention to send her that message but looking back now i can definitely see why she would have thought that. a lot of the songs on the playlist are about love and heartbreak and etc.. but that's just the kind of music i like to listen to sometimes. idk. i feel really bad about that now and i will definitely try to pay more attention to the ways what i do or say can be misconstrued in the future.. anyways. i had to try to figure out a way to gently but directly tell her like. im so fucking sorry dude but i do not feel the same way about you, you're like my best friend and i love you but i do not desire a romantic relationshhip with you. it ended up being 3 instagram messages worth of text but it got the point across as well as i could. we talked a little bit and now she is taking some space from me which sucks and i miss them but they know that they can take as long as they need and i will be here when she is ready. and it's kindof my fault too anyways so
that kind of got me thinking about like relationships and what i think i want for myself... i feel like i'm kind of too selfish or self absorbed of a person to be a good partner??? not in like a bad way, but i feel like i focus on myself too much and don't think of what i can do for others first, i often need someone to direct me to something that needs to get done because i just don't think of it. and i feel like while i probably could work on that, at least right now i feel like i wouldn't be able to put that amount of effort into a relationship and that just wouldn't be fair to my hypothetical partner. one of my other friends has a boyfriend and i've talked to her a lot about like problems they are having and trying to navigate that new kind of dynamic and etc and hearing her talk about like how he never buys her flowers but she really wants him to or how she is always the one to plan dates and stuff, and that kind of reinforces the idea that i wouldn't be a good partner, i feel like what i would offer to the relationship would be the bare minimum and i would want for my partner to have more than that. there is also probably a bit of me being unecessarily hard on myself there as well, but... yea i think at the very least i would have to take it slow and work hard to make myself think of my partner first and myself second. i've been on dating apps like tinder and hinge and whatever but i'm not really looking for a relationship right now anyways.. the idea is nice and i would like to be close to someone in that way sometime but tbh i am liking the single life. i am just chilling in my apartment with my kitty cat :3
what else is there to talk about... classes again!!! so obviously the first week was a disaster, second week was not much better. but i did go to some classes and i have ordered all of my textbooks so that's good!! i am really liking morphology so far, i had some homework for it last night and it was actually really fun to do ^_^ and i also am liking history of the english language, i have had the prof that teaches it before in my varieties of english class last year and his attendance policy kind of sucks but otherwise he is a pretty good prof. i am not liking semantics. i hated my first year logic class and thats basically what we are going over in semantics right now. valid and sound arguments and etc etc etc SHUT UP talk about words meaning different things bitch. ethics is... ethics. i'm neutral so far. i also ended up dropping latin because the new prof was doing too much wrt homework (20 SENTENCES TO TRANSLATE PLUS A WHOLE PASSAGE TOO i am not doing that goodbye) so i swapped it with a first year anthropology class that i haven't gone to yet (got the email that i got in last wed after the class & it is only mon and wed) but i am looking forward to it! i wanted to take it first year and then first term as well but the waitlist was soooo long.. actually i was in 18th place for this one too, i swapped from latin to the waitlist on tuesday and then got in on wednesday somehow. well i'm not gonna complain ^_^ i am trying to be more organized this term so i am using my planner a lot. and i am taking all my notes on paper which so far has been going swimmingly.
i can't really think of much else i want to talk about. i have been super tired lately because i can't fall asleep before 2 am but literally every single day i have a morning class so i just have to drag myself up and then i have other stuffs to do so theres no time for a proper nap.. but i am doing my best. i have plans to meet with one of my friends for coffee and tomorrow i am hoping to send out some job apps. cricket is doing beautifully, he is still on his expensive as hell wet food only diet and doing great on it. my mom apparently also went down the cat nutrition rabbit hole so during winter break she got me a bunch of food toppers for him, i think his fave is the freeze dried minnows. i am trying to only buy his food in bulk because it's cheaper that way, right now we are working through 1 case of weruva paw lickin' chicken and 1 case of go! carnivore lamb&wild boar chicken turkey duck pate and sensitivities duck pate (there wasn't a full case at the store so they let us mix and match) and i also have a couple cans of miscellaneous other foods for a bit of variety ^_^ and then ofc he gets some of the toppers as well. cricket eats better than i do tbh
i think that's everything... i'm gonna go play minecraft now ok bye ^_^
dec 26 (tues)
merry christmas to those who celebrate, happy holidays to those who don't! i am writing this at 2:45 am recovering from getting baked as hell
i got a digital camera from my parents as well as a couple sweaters, an electric blanket, loop earplugs, and a bunch of books: Earthlings by Sayaka Murata, Breasts and Eggs by Meiko Kawakami, The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa, Grotesque by Natsuo Kirino, The Boy and the Dog by Seishu Hase, Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 by Cho Nam-Joo, Time is a Mother by Oceab Vuong (i've been wanting this one for a while because i looooved on earth we're briefly gorgeous) and Yellowface by R.F. Kuang (fun fact i met her once at a book signing ^_^ she was very nice). and i also got 4 warrior cats books which completes my novellas, super edition, and regular series collection. i might need to start outsting books from the backside of my bookshelf because i am running out of space >_< i am about a 2/3 through earthlings so far and it's really good... way more serious subject matter in the first few chapters than i was expecting and it gets a little uncomfortable to read in places, but still a good read so far. i am definitely glad for revisiting meiko kawakami's heaven recently because it inspired me to start reading more japanese literature. i've read convenience store woman as well (also very good book) and i really liked almond by sohn won-pyung (this one is korean not japanese), but aside from those three i haven't read much east asian literature so i'm glad my mom was
more than happy to make a trip to the bookstore for me.
i was hoping i would get a couple pairs of pants that i asked for (from dickies and etc) but i am going to my grandma's in a few days so i am hoping one of my aunts will have gotten me a pair. but aside from that i am very happy and grateful for everything. i got my sister a phone case that looks like it has a record player on the back (not functional but my sister loves collecting vinyl records so i thought she would like it), my dad a paint mixing tray and a new wallet, and my mom a build-your-own miniature study diorama kit : ) and i got my friend ada a kim petras vinyl and joke cockroach chip clips and i am making serena a bag out of an ikea lion plushie.
so far i have been having a pretty good winter break. i am liking having so much time to relax, mostly i just am on my phone all day or listening to music but now i have lots of books to keep me occupied ^_^ my friend ada and i played animal crossing for a while today and i got to show her my island port meow :3 it was so fun and then after that i called serena who got a concussion for christmas (passed out in her kitchen and hit her head on the window (they had to cut out her eyebrow piercing in the er because it got embedded in her skin >_<) and we talked for a bit and then we had baked potatoes for dinner and chocolate pudding pie that me and my mom made and then scrolled on instagram for 3 hours before i felt it was an acceptable time to get high and go to sleep (11 pm) but i got too high to fall asleep which is why i am here.
recently i made a new everyday playlist on spotify, it kind of has a bit of everything on it but i really like it. i am trying to use spotify more next year because in this year's spotify wrapped i had 10,000 minutes less than last year (49,000) and i only listened to my top song ~500 times. in 2022 i listened to desert song 4,975 times so i feel like i could have done better... i need to decide what i want to try to make my top song for next year though, currently i am debating between desert song again, vylet pony i don't know how to tell you you're my best friend, bonnie, or non-existent meet-cute, gerard way brother, or black dresses damage suppressor. those are my favourite songs recently, i have kind of been obsessed with brother and also mcr heaven help us. today i tried listening to music with my headphones while wearing my loop earplugs and it was kind of amazing i could turn up the volume all the way for super strong bass but it wasn't too loud. currently i am listening to paramore decode.
on christmas eve we went to my mom's cousin's house for a gathering which ended up being a cautionary about peer pressure and what happens when you drink wayyyyyyy too much alcohol (mom's cousin was giving everyone like 5 double martinis each all night and also made everyone do multiple shots)... it was an interesting time to say the least. we ended up leaving about 2.5 hours later than intended because people were too drunk to leave (puking in the bathroom). but there was a fucking amazing lasagna and i got to talk to ppl about morphemes and the ipa and etc while said people were puking so it wasn't all bad. my sister and i didn't have any wrapped presents the next morning though because someone neglected to wrap them before we left and then nearly blacked out at the party... but its fine cousin was being actually really pushy with the alcohol so im sure at least one other person ended up insanely hungover lol. i am not the biggest alcoholhead so i mostly was spared, i had like a couple sips of a martini with blue curaçao but it was too sour so i didn't finish it, i also had ginger ale with a shot of forty creek and amaro montenegro (which is REALLY GOOD btw like actually really good) which wasn't really enough to get me very buzzed but i didn't really want to be anyways so it was fine. i enjoyed my one tasty drink and lasagna. merry christmas to me.
i might have mentioned in the last entry but i got cricket a coat for christmas, he also got a couple little crinkly rainbow balls that he likes and i am going to get him another bag of freeze dried minnows because he loves them a lot. the other cats got freeze dried duck liver and whole chicken hearts as well as a couple of catnip treats and the dog got 2 new chew toys which he loved. i am looking forward to taking cricket outside tomorrow ^_^ he likes going outside so i hope his coat will keep him warm enough!!
speaking of cricket i think i need to to start feeding him a bit more because he always acts like he's starving whenever i go into the kitchen, currently i am feeding him around 300 calories per day but he is still growing so i think i am going to try to aim for more in the 350-400 range. 300 is on the lower end for his weight anyways.. it's gonna be more expensive for me but i am planning to get a job anyways so i will survive. anything for you mr bug!
hmmm what else is there to talk about... i think i am going to buy the uniqlo half moon bag, it has been a while since i upgraded my everyday bag (i have had the same backpack since grade 7 (not exaggerating i got a free fidget spinner with it too)) and i want something that isn't super expensive but still looks cute and can fit the stuff i need. i am planning to start taking notes on paper next term so i won't need to worry too much about my laptop... i might see if there is a bigger size as well and get a smaller one and larger one though because i really want to start swimming again in the new year. i am trying to make a new years resolution to exercise more and get out of the house instead of just sitting on my phone all day.. that's one of the reasons for getting a flip phone and a camera, so i won't have a smartphone with me all day. i want to becone nore healthy and less phone addicted. i am also going to stop smoking weed every single day because i feel like i am starting to rely on it to sleep which i don't want to be doing. in the new year i want to get into a good routine of getting things done and not procrastinating, i want to get up earlier every day (i am thinking around 07h) and go to bed earlier also (around 21-22h). mon wed fri i want to study japanese, tues thu sat french and latin. and i want to take better care of myself, i feel like in the past few years i have become so lazy and unmotivated and i want to try to change that about myself. i am hoping that with a good routine and actually using my planner i will be able to improve myself somewhat. i also want to start reading more again, i still need to work on my book reviews page >_<> i never finished annotating maurice like i said i would last year lol sorryyyyy but yeah. i know i say i will do stuff alot and never follow through but i am committed to improving in 2024 and even if i have to break some of these resolutions i want to at least accomplish a few.
anyways im sleepy now so maybe i will continue this later it is almost 4 am soooo im going to sleep finally. nighty night ^_^
hai ^_^ new layout today! well it's not really a whole new layout i just changed the background and the navigation links... but i think it looks nice! i like the stars background a lot. my marquees are a little fucked up but i don't care enough to figure out what's wrong with them lol. also omfg trying to change the nav links was driving me insane i actually had to drink some water to calm down it was pissing me offff so bad.
i have a latin test on friday >_<" i'm so nervous about it... i have to write out all the noun and adjective declension paradigms tonight before i go to bed and then probably twice or 3 times tomorrow and also go over 5 whole chapters of vocab... waaaaah but it's fine cause actually i do like latin. i kind of wish my anishinaabemowin class from last year was formatted more like this cause last year we basically just went thru lists of vocab and watched documentaries which likeeee it was an easy class and i am grateful that i was given some of that cultural knowledge but also. it's a language class. we are supposed to be learning the language. and we never learned any verbs or grammar or anything it really was just lists of vocab aside from like. one class where she taught us a few sentences live how to say our names and where we live... i signed up for that class because i really wanted to learn the language and like i said i'm glad for the cultural knowledge but like i took both the elementary level courses and can barely say my own name but in latin it's not even halfway through the first term and it's already getting challenging. idk i just was thinking of this on my way home from latin today like salve nomen meum est sasha is not the most difficult sentence i can say in latin by far but kwey sasha nindizhinikaz is like the longest sentence i can say in anishinaabemowin. i kind of am a little disappointed to be completely honest...
sorry to keep dragging this on lol i just really wish we had learned anishinaabemowin in a more utalitarian way like i wish we were translating sentences and stuff!! i wish we lad learned about how verb conjugation works and case systems and etc!!! i feel like i took a really long indigenous studies class than 2 language courses.. oh well. maybe this is a me thing because i just a obsessed with languages and looking at how they work and stuff linguistics major moment i guess. it was still an interesting class we learned a lot about the history of the algonquin people in eastern ontario and quebec and lots of cultural stuff like the 5 seasons and how a lot of stuff doesn't translate exactly into english because we have different ways of thinking because of the way our society was shaped ie. how time works, etc... but i wanted to really learn the language wahhh well i'll stop crying about it sorry
in other language related news i have officially properly signed up for the JLPT! i will be taking it in december and i am so scared i actually have to start cramming definitely expect lots of japanese entries in my language blog i need to get on my grammar grind... and kanji i've been slacking. i'm okay at reading and listening comprehension and i'm pretty good at writing if i do say so myself (i have been working on my handwriting) but i just need to get grinding. i have a set of textbooks i'm going to use for studying there's 32 grammar sections and also a whole book dedicated to kanji and another for vocab so i think if i review one grammar section every other day and also review every kanji in the book and all the vocab used i should be fine startingggg *checks watch* 3 days ago. well it's fine i'm not actually expecting to cram that much what i will probably do is 3 or 4 grammar sections every weekend they aren't long and do a section or two of the kanji and etc... i believe in myself i will pass.
well to be completely honest i am thinking of stopping japanese after the exam >m<' i feel bad about it because i've been dedicated to it since grade 7 which was 7 years ago now but i kind of want to move onto other languages now... idk i probably will continue learning it casually but i can't keep on with my weekly lessons and also continue studying french and latin and all the other languages i want to learn. also it doesn't help that it's actually so embarassing to say that i'm studying japanese because i always feel like people think i'm some weird white person who is just obsessed with asia and japan for some reason I DIDNT EVEN CHOOSE JAPANESE BECAUSE OF ANIME IN THE FIRST PLACE I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN CAUSE ITS SO DIFFERENT FROM ENGLISH I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS LIFE. i really want to get fluent in quebec french. and i want to be able to converse in dutch and icelandic and read latin and gothic and old english and and and i just dont know how im gonna bring it up with my teacher like she's such a nice older lady she's so sweet and she brings me soda hichews whenever she comes to canada from japan i love her so much i don't want to make her sad ToT
i think my mom will be kind of relieved though cause she pays for my lessons and it kind of adds up lol thanks mom
changing the subject kind of like i said i really want to get better at french cause i live in an area that has a lot of french speakers now (specifically quebec french) and i really would like to be able to communicate better, i've started listening to a bit of quebecois indie music and also i am thinking of making a slow.ly account so i can practice with some quebecois who want to learn english or something.. if there are any quebeckers reading send me an email at catpronouns@protonmail.com i can send you my account info or we can become penpals or something ^_^
i think that's everything i want to say for now lol sorry for ranting so much.. cricket has been screaming for the entire time i've been writing this i have him locked in the bathroom until he decides to be quiet (i don't like to spray him with water because that can make cats reactive so he gets ignored or put in the bathroom until he stops) idk why he has dry food and soft food out right now he has a water fountain that is full and running and he has clean litter and toys and a cat tower and many things to do aside from yelling at me. well anyways. bye ^_^
hello! i promise i meant it when i said i wanted to update more often ^_^
this week i was mostly just chilling. there's a new piercing place near me that has a special discount on wednesdays so i decided to go get a vertical labret piercing after my latin class!! it looks soooo good i'm so glad i got it... it hurt so fucking bad tho ToT... but it's fine now. i got a new septum ring as well and finally started a stack!!
also in my last post i forgot about the new piercings i got over the summer! i got my nipple pierced in july which didn't hurt at all because i have no feeling in my nips after top surgery, i redid my left second lobe myself at the end of july, and then in august my friend and i impulsively got piercings in august after seeing a play so i got my helix done on my right ear and she got her bellybutton pierced! and then a few weeks after that i got my septum stretched up to 14g because the jewelry i had in before broke and i wanted to get a ring but spencers was closed that day and the jewelry i had in as a placeholder was ugly as fuck. so now i have 6 piercings in total ^_^ i want to get a double helix on my left ear, a rook and a conch, maybe paired eyebrows, and a bridge eventually. and i am still working on stretching my ears, i am at 4mm right now (6g) but i was at 5mm in august but i ended up blowing out one of my ears stretching to that so i downsized both of them while it healed. but i should be able to stretch back to 5mm sometime soon ^_^ i don't want them super big, i'm thinking maybe 25mm max. i am also thinking of maybe doing a coinslot or something... idk. i will have to plan out what my ears would look like with everything i want.
in other news most of my halloween costume has come in the mail! i am going as vet sama from nyan~ neko sugar girls and i am super excited about it. are you nekos here for a checkup? lol
yesterday my friend and i went to value village where i got a bunch of cute plates (3 of them are shaped like fish!!!) and also some cutlery because i mysteriously lost a spoon over the summer and also i got a little thingy that is shaped like a goose wearing a kerchief and also a metal fish that is hanging on the wall above my sink now. and i got a little wheelie shopping cart thing so i can finally go and buy groceries cause my fridge is basically empty. yay!
ok my frozen pizza is done i need to take it out of the oven before my house burns down bye
haiii >//<'' well erm its september.... sorry for not updating i have no excuse to be honest i literally did nothing over the summer... just working full time which was fine. i was gonna update in. may... and then july... and then august... but well im here now i guess >_<; planning on doing some stuff on the site for the rest of the month! updates are a little more difficult and time-consuming now that i've moved from neocities (it was cause of all the terfs lol) but i will try my best to update at the very very least once a month from now on! i hope to start updating my blog more frequently than that as well like i had been for a while last year but i won't make any promises.
now i will recap what i have done for the summer ^_^ so i moved back home at the end of april and started a full-time job (will not elaborate further cause its kind of specific and could give me away) which was pretty fun actually it got a little repetitive and boring at times but i had really awesome coworkers so that made it better ^_^ in may one of my friends from highschool (serena) who moved to where i live now came back down to visit with ehr dad and she hung out with me while another friend (ada) and i did shrooms which ended up being terrible cause i forgot how to be a person and also got severely suicidal and my cat escaped in the middle of the night and i literally couldn't understand what was happening but its fine now ^_^ i also got a bunch of free weed from serena in july which was pretty great.
more near the end of july my mom and sister and i painted my apartment in preparation for moving in which was super fun!! serena helped too and it turned out super nice, i'm super happy with the colour (it's just off-white but it looks really clean and nice compared to the old paint). and then in the first week of august... i got a new cat!! because asha loves to escape too much i decided not to bring her wich me to uni because compared to my hometown its soooo busy here and also she wouldn't know the area so i figured better safe than sorry.. but i still wanted a cat and since i became wealthy over the summer (not really) i decided to get a new friend to come with me ^_^ his name is cricket and he is 6 months old, he's a black and brown marble tabby and he's soooo cute except sometimes he just meows for like 10 minutes straight and won't shut up which is actually incredibly annoying but it's fine because i love him.
and then after that i finished out my last month at work, cricket got neutered, and then i moved back to uni ^_^ i got so lucky with my apartment and i've been living here for about 3 weeks now and it's been great! i love the apartment and the area, cricket has been good for the most part, and my classes are going pretty well too! i'm taking classes on phonology, second language acquisition, medieval english literature, latin, and celtic studies this term. for the most part i have little to no homework which is incredible, and my schedule is also pretty good too ^_^ so far i am very happy with the beginning of the term.
i am also going to be taking the JLPT N4 in december! so probably expect more japanese entries in my language blog, and probably some latin & french ones as well. i'm also hoping to update the music page today and maybe the cattery sometime in the near future.
anything else..... oh well i have officially updated my warrior cats collection and i have 73 in total now! all the main series books + all special editions excluding onestar (they made his former apprentice his wife so im only gonna buy it secondhand lol) + 4 novella collections, 5 graphic novels, and 2 mangas. it takes up 5 1/2 boxes on my ikea kallax shelf. but aside from that i think that's everything ^_^ byebye!!
hi!! long time no see... just kidding i did an entry on monday lol i got you so good... anyways my parents came to visit and left yesterday cause the weather was supposed to be really bad today but it's literally fine like it's barely even raining. whatever
me and my mom went to a bunch of used bookstores! i only actually bought anything at 2 of them but i got 11 sick as fuck books i'm so excited to read them ^_^ here i will list them for u:
- queer studies: an interdisciplinary reader, edited by robert j. corber and stephen valocchi -- a collection of essays about sexual politics, race and class, community and secual citizenship, transnationalism, etc.
reclaiming sodom, edited by jonathan goldberg -- about how the idea of 'sodomy' has been used to stigmatize people whose sexual activities do not specifically resolve around procreation within marriage, and the institutions that uphold that stigmatization (the state, the church, etc).
transpeople: repuditation, trauma, healing by christopher a. shelley -- about trans and queer studies & also psychology, experiences of trans people within healthcare, relationships, education, employment, public and social institutions, etc.
out of the closets: voices of gay liberation (20th anniversary edition), edited by karla jay and allen young -- about the history of sexuality, what has changed since stonewall, and the legal/social status of lgbt people in comtemporary america.
surveillance after snowden by david lyon -- about surveillance after edward snowden's 2013 revelation that the nsa and its partners were conducting mass survaillance on american citizens; global reactions to it, "and the place of the human in a digital world" (from the synopsis).
unorthodox marxism: an essay on capitalism, socialism, and revolution by michael albert and robin hahnel -- critiquing orthodoc marxism, developing a new theoretical approach emphasizing not only class but race, sec, etc., the problems of socialism and how it might look like in the u.s.
the romance of american communism by vivian gornick -- about the rich world of 1940s and 1950s socialists and communists and what happened to them after stalin's crimes became public
will the internet fragment? by milton mueller -- cybersecurity, geopolitics, data sovereignty, and how the idea that the internet may be 'fragmenting' hides governmental attempts to control information within their own jurisdictions, which is the real issue.
spanish word formation: productive derivational morphology in the modern lexis by m. f. lang -- basically what the title says. spanish word endings, theories of lexical morphology, etc.
common japanese collocations: a learner's guide to frequent word pairings, edited by kakuo shoji -- over 3,200 sentences and phrases showing how to use common words naturally.
kodansha's romanized japanese-english dictionary -- a 16,000 word dictionary. has words in romaji, japanese, used in sentences, and synonyms.
i'm so excited about these... i got them all secondhand of course cause getting them new would have cost a million dollars seriously. my mom checked and the spanish morphology one cost like $230 to buy new ToT the reclaiming sodom one was from the same publisher (routledge) so it would be expensive too.. a couple are from university publishers too (transpeople is uoft and out of the closets is nyu) aahhhhhhh im so happy to have so many good books ^_^
BUT of course i will finish maurice and my review of it before i start any... i'm planning on working on that for a bit after i finish this entry and hopefully on the weekend too ^_^
that's all i had to say i think... hope you're having a good day ^_^/<3
hiiii hi hi hiiiiiiii sorry ive been gone for so long... was super busy w midterms and schoolwork and being depressed ^_^ but im back now!!
the final month of school is upon us... finally i'm so excited to have no more school... i'm working full time for the summer so i'm still gonna have responsibilities every day but NO MORE SCHOOL!!!!! i'm actually really excited for my job it's at a playhouse and i get to be a box office attendant ^_^ it sounds so fun i honestly can't wait
my parents are coming up to spend the week near me because of a work thing my dad has ^_^ me and my mom are gonna go to lots of bookstores and she's taking me to costco... so excited cause last time i went during reading week there was this really cute rainbow sherpa throw blanket that i want to make her buy for me.. also i'm gonna get one of the 12 pack of sunny d cause i love sunny d. best drink ever tied with strawberry fruitopia (which i always get at mcdonalds wendys etc)
me and my friend are working on a lore page for her neocities.. last night we called and collected old pics of her to add and it was super fun ^_^ she finished writing the section on her humble origins but we still have looooooots to cover cause essentially we are writing her entire life story for no reason other than it's really funny. i would make my own sasha lore page but my life actually isn't that interesting and it never has been plus i have mental issues and barely remember anything ever. smiles
well i just remembered i have a syntax test tomorrow so i need to go study for that.. sorry this is so short... bye hope u have a good day ^_^
hiii whats up... we are a month into second term!! so far my philosophy class is actually way better this term than it was last term... slides are very good in the way theyre formatted and how the information is presented and the prof is super clear in the way she expects us to answer questions. literally dream class format. its actually a little incredible.
reading week is soon! i'm taking the train to go home this time (i stayed at school last reading week) cause itll be the only chance i have to see my cat until the end of april... my parents are coming sometime in march for my dads job cause the head office is here but i miss asha so much i will put a picture of her in here sometime she is the cutest ever. anyways im excited to go home just for a break from living on my own cause it gets a little lonely sometimes i only have 2 friends here & im not close with my roommates actually i wanted to talk about that hold on
ok new paragraph anyways yeah ive been feeling a little down lately like im skipping classes a loooot cause i just dont really have the energy to get up and get ready and go, i feel a lot more nervous being around my roommates cause im super worried (for like no reason) that they hate me or think im a bad roommate or something (the context for this fear is cause i have a dab pen i use in my room all the time even tho we arent supposed to smoke or vape in the building, i dont really clean my room a lot, i avoid them cause idk talking to people idrk that well makes me feel really nervous and anxious, etc), i just don't really have much energy or passion or drive to do anything... i just have been laying in my bed most days and idk i just don't feel that great. feeling sad about having like no friends and being bad at relationships cause of like. well it would take a while to explain. i've got no hope for the future and i've been thinking about like. well you know. alot. but its fine cause i won't cause i can't come up with a way to do it where nobody would find me or anything. well anyways
today was better tho even though i did skip both my classes i actually went out (it was super warm out today; i just walked down the street to circle k but it counts)), i studied for and completed my first philosophy test which i actually think i did pretty good on, i got up at a reasonable time and showered, and also i did my nails which i havent done in a couple weeks.hopefully things will start looking up!
i've been playing soooo much clangen cause it's such an easy thing to play whenever i'm actually at my computer... favourite game except for minecraft. i also have, in between rotting in bed and being in class, developed an interest in old internet fandom drama. like ms. scribe and snape wives and my immortal and stuff... obviously i hate the [CENSORED] books (just don't want tp have the title of the series on my site lol) but idk i think the olden days of that fandom are so interesting like there was so much going on. and also like old tumblr stuff i think is fascinating.. the whole culture of the site was so different in the olden days than it is now. if anyone knows any video essays or other videos with topics similar to those please send me recommendations! ^_^
ummmm... well aside from that i fiiiiiinally got my marks back from algonquin, i got an a+. yaaaay now my cgpa is 6.4 which isn't bad but i'm hoping to bump it up this term... mostly by not failing another class lol fingers crossed!
i can't think of anything else to mention sooooo the end i guess i feellike this is a little all over the place but i jsut wanted to put something up cause i feel bad for not updating for a week... not like it matters cause this is literally just my diary lol. well anyways bye i hope u have a great day!! ^_^
hellooooo! i made a new theme ^_^ i still like my old one but i just really wanted to code a new one.. i just think it's fun. i was going to put a javascript effect to make the bagkground less boring but after about 4 hours straight of trying to get it to work and help from france i'm sad to say that i failed. it's cause my css wasn't letting it work properly and i couldn;t figure out all the places i needed to change to make it work... so annoying but what even ever.
aside from that... second term is going ok so far. i ended up failing philosophy last term so i have to retake it this term... but i did really good in algonquin so i think that balances it out. this term's class is with a different prof and at a different time and structured differently so i'm hoping it will be better... i'm a little scared to actually go to the lectures tho i keep skipping. but i will go tomorrow...!
last term's schedule was so good compared to this term's. this term i have mondays completely free which is good... but tuesday i start at 8:30 and end at 5:30. and then wednesday is also good, starts at 4 and ends at 8:30, thursday is 8:30 til 4, and then friday is 10 until 4. the tuesday 8:30 class isn't so bad but the thursday one is really messed up cause it's my syntax class... who wants to be up at 8:30 learning about syntax. the tuesday one is varieties of english ^_^ my favourite class. we've been talking about the linguistic history of enlgish in it recently and it's soooo interesting...
my mom keeps trying to make me apply to random summer jobs still. pleaseeeeee please please stop i do not want to fucking work in hr at the bank. or in public health. how in the world do you expect me to get hired for that anyways
what else... OH so the other night i was at my friend's house and she was teaching me how to hit a bong which compleeeeetely tore up my throat that shit hurt so bad. but anyways this happened at like 7 pm and then i was completely sober by 10 and we ended up just being super bored cause she never has anything for us to do at her house (kindof annoying...no offense serena if you're reading this lol) so i was like honestly let me just see if i can bus back to campus... so i checked and there was 1 bus next until it ended for the night so i was like ok sure ill try to catch it and so i left to get to the bus stop which was supposed to be only 5 minutes away YEAH RIGHTit took me 15 minutes to get there JOGGING. i literally had to run to get there and i missed it anyways. so its midnight at this point im outside in the -5 degrees wearing pyjama pants, a tank top, and a zip up hoodie, my phone is at 20%, it's dark, i'm a 2 hour walk from campus, no buses until 4 am, my throat hurts, sweaty as fuck from running and cold from the -5 degrees outside so i walk to the nearest plaza and i'm trying to make a lyft account and in the middle of putting in my credit card details, my phone dies. and then i turn it back on to message my friend quickly and it's at 40%???? so i'm like ok whatever... then i buy my lyft and it dies again in the lyft but it's fine cause i'm finally back and warm!!! and then my throat hurts for the entire next day and now i have a head cold. really messed up.
anyways ummm i got new glasses today!! i got them massively on sale like the frames i got for $60 but they were 80% off so in total they would have cost $700 without the sale. but i got $400 off total so (smirk emoji). i can't think of anything else to add soooo yeah bye!! ^_^
hellooooo ^_^ i hope everyone is well!!! i'm back at school now, mostly settled in again... classes started back up on monday, but honestly i've skipped most my classes this week cause i've been super sleepy.. but i'm going to everything next week! i'm trying to do a bit better academically this semester than i did last. not that i did bad, my lowest grade (that i know of) was about 75% i think? granted, i haven't gotten my philosophy grade back yet. that's probably (definitely) lower. i also am trying to branch out now, i'm gonna try to make one friend from my classes this term!
other things i want to try to do better are start drinking more water (cause i never drink water), be more dedicated to the languages i'm learning (namely japanese and anishinabemowin), and make more online friends. plus, after the summer i'll need a job, so i'm hoping i'll end up getting hired at a dispensary because i feel like it would be really fun to work at a dispensary. over the summer i'll probbaly work at some kind of factory because i dont like customer service, linework is the same thing every day, and i'll get paid at least $20/hour plus benefits (and i'll be part of a union). my mom keeps sending me jobs that i am 100% not qualified for and have literally told her before that i'm not interested in, which is so annoying ToT like i appreciate it but please give me something different...
i ordered pizza today and it was soooo good it was the pest pizza pizza pizza (pizza from pizza pizza) i ever got cause the pepperoni was the perfect crispiness it was awesome... now i'm super thirsty and i can't go into the kitchen to make more cold hot chocolate (hot chocolate mix and cold water shaken vigorously) because my roommates are throwing a fucking party WHATS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS ITS 11 PM I DON;T EVEN KNOWHOW LONG THEY'VE BEEN HERE cause i took a nap at like 7 pm and woke up 20 minutes ago thirsty as hell... and there's no way i'm sneaking to the bathroom to drink out of the tap cause the tap water here is scary its like cloudy and shit a girl in my building has to call the university people cause her tap water was BROWN i swear the brita filter my mom gave me is saving my life so much.
um aside from that idk... tomorrow i only have one class and then i need to run a few errands but i'm hoping that after that i'll find some time to work on my book reviews page... i'm trying to decide if the first book i do should be maurice or something that may shock or discredit you or something else... i did also bring the autobiography of an androgyne and greedy (notes from a bisexual who wants too much) with me so i've got those as well. i'm thinking i'll keep the book reviews primarily of lgbt books that aren't ya novels because i barely ever see people talking about normal, adult books with lgbt themes and topics. not that ya books are bad! but i mean they're ya books... there's a reason why it's classified as a different section than general fiction or horror or mystery or etc. also i feel i should add ehre that i don't know or care if the song of achilles is considered ya or not no matter if anybody asks ever i will not review the song of achilles i hated that book so bad it's so sucks. do not even ask because i hate it. anyways yeah book review page coming soon! thank you to arlita for commenting that a book review would be cool ^_^
continuing on that topic, i think my list of books i'll try to write a review on sometime before april will be something that may shock and discredit you (daniel m. lavery), maurice (e.m. forster), greedy (notes from a bisexual who wants too much) (jen winston), and autobiography of an androgyne (ralph werther). that'll give me something to occupy some of my free time in the coming months and also gives me an excuse to finally anntate my second copy of maurice! i'm really excited to do that one, it's genuinely one of my most favourite books of all time. actually heartwrenching, makes me feel nauseous, etc. i got to write an essay about it in grade 12 and, while it really wasn;t a great essay because i realized halfway through writing it that my thesis was actually nonsensical and i had to change it on the alst day we had to work on it, it was so fun analyzing the text ^_^ (spoilers ahead) i talked about how clive and maurice were both gay but had drastically different attitudes towards their gayness, with clive ending up in a heterosexual marriage and repressing his desires versus maurice running away into the greenwood with alec. (spoilers end) anyways its soooo good it makes me feel lightheaded. my review is gonna be so fire...
well i think my roommates party is over so i can go get my cold hot chocolate now hopefully... bye everybody ^_^ sorry this is sooo long btw. hi if you read this far
hi!! it's been so long since i updated, i'm sorry for that... i've mostly been sitting in my room eating cadbury fingers for the past week lol. i hope everybody's holidays have been good!
for christmas i got a couple of shirts from hot topic, new headphones (skullcandy crusher evo (smirk emoji)), all the neon genesis evangelion manga, a couple new warrior cats books (hawkwing's journey, the 5th omen of the stars book, and another special edition that i forget), and another book called something that may shock or discredit you by daniel m lavery. it's a collection of essays about trans identity and transition, one of my favourite quotes is from there: "god made me transsexual the same reason he made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine, so that humanity may delight in the act of creation" (julian k. jarboe). i haven't started reading it yet, i'm thinking i might save it for when i get back to uni -- but then again, i might get too busy to read it there... i also haven't decided if i want to annotate it or not. i still have my other copy of maurice i need to annotate as well. decisions, decisions...
aside from christmas stuff, there's not really much i have to say. this is probably my shortest blog post ever lol... maybe i should add a reading list or book review page to my site or something. i sometimes have thoughts about books. i could talk about maurice for so long... perhaps this will be my next site project??? anyways that's all from me, bye now!!
i'm finally done finals!!! i'm so relieved... i've got around a 70% average so far, out of the things that have been marked. i had my last exam today at 2, and i definitely failed it like it went so bad... i hate philosophy. i even studied for it a little bit... i only need to get 33% on the actual exam to pass the class though so hopefully i'm safe i do NOT want to take that shit again.
aside from finals... i got my septum pierced! a week ago today. it looks so cute... and it's healing really well too! there was no pain after the second day, and i can move it around without it hurting too. i also decided to impulsively buy an ear stretching taper kit from spencer's that same day, so when my friend and i went back to her house i started stretching them. it hurt real bad cause i didn't realize the first taper size was 1.6mm and not 1.2mm... my right ear was fine after that but my left ear was not having it so i downsized both of them to some 1.2mm septum jewellery i had. it actually looks kinda cute which is nice. i'm planning on getting second lobe piercings sometime in the relatively near future, maybe for my birthday? definitely before the summer. plus i want a bridge piercing as well.
on the topic of piercings: i was so shocked when i got to the piercing studio because on their website it said septum piercings were $40... somehow they neglected to include the fact that the jewellery was not included in that price ToT AND THE JEWELLERY WAS MORE THAN THE ACTUAL SERVICE ITSELF my bank account is crying so bad. when i got my bellybutton pierced in toronto it was $40 total including jewellery and tax so that's what i was expecting. i was sorely mistaken. cost me $130 to get tortured with needles... it's fine though i'm not that mad about it. i will probably be going somewhere different to get my ears/bridge done. maybe i'll wait for reading week and see if i can hang with my friend at uoft for a few days and get them done in toronto again...
tomorrow morning i have to embark on a 9 hour journey back to my hometown cause of winter break... i have to take the train and then another train and then get picked up. it takes so long because i life a 7 hour drive away. and the train ticket for the first train was so fucking expensive >_< and i actually don't really like my hometown all that much so the only reason i'm going is to hang with my family and my cat. i've got a beautiful collection of joints my friend rolled for me to help me and my friend who is also home for the holidays survive town name. happy holidays to everyone reading this btw! merry christmas, chag chanukah sameach, happy kwanzaa, etc i don't know what other holidays are ocurring but happy those too!
i did my nails the other day and they look kinda janky but i think the colour is cool... i did a blue-grey colour and then top coat mixed with black to give it a kind of translucent dark grey effect. i need to get better at filing the fake nails properly because i keep making the ring fingers different lengths and both the middle fingers are different shapes (one is round and one is kinda pointy...) but it's fine cause nobodys gonna be looking at my hands. actually i do really like doing fake nails because it makes my hands look really nice and my fingers look longer and it looks really nice when i wear rings which i do a lot ^_^
well anyways it's 11:30 now and i'm going to go build a house in minecraft so bye
hieeee ^_^ i'm currently putting off working on my final english essay ...i've been meaning to get working on it for like 5 and a half hours now. but its fine cause i have all of today and all of tomorrow to do it. honestly i don't really have much to talk about here since it hasn't been that long since i updated but i'll think of something.
my and my friend has a sleepover the other night! it was fun cause she came over at 12:30 and then we took the train to go to the closest mall with a spencers and walked around there for an hour or two and then when we got back we made frienship bracelets (hers says faggot and mine says ballz) and then she stank up my room rolling joints... i had to break out the air fresheners, open my window, and put my fan on oscilate to get the smell out ToT AND THEN SHE FORGOT THEM HERE so it was literally for nothing... well they're my joints now. anyways we watched the beautiful minecraft mystreet phoenix drop high roleplay series by aphmau on youtube (with the volume very low, lest my roommates hear our shame) and then i went to sleep until 10 and then we alternated between sitting there on our phones in silence and sleeping. OH AND we also made a gingerbread house that collapsed and now looks like a heap of rubble it was pretty awesome
i also got new earbuds! i ordered them from skullcandy about a week ago because i saw they were half off and i lost my other ones over the summer >_< i'm hoping to get a new pair of actual headphones for xmas but these will hold me over until then... normally i would just get a pair of earbuds from the corner store but for some reason i have been completely unable to find earbuds here and the headphones at dollarama suck so bad i've literally gone through two pairs since getting here and one of the pairs literally lasted 5 minutes before the cord broke on me... so i had to splurge. but at least they were on sale... if they had been any more expensive i wouldn't have gotten them but i need to have music in my ears at all times to function. the only problem with them is that i'm always scared they'll fall out of my ears like my old ones that i got in grade 9 had an arm that held them in place over the shell of my ear so i wasn't worried about them but these ones don't have that... i've been on at least 5 different websites looking at articles about how to properly wear wireless earbuds so they don't fall out. they've been better than i was expecting, though, and i did wear them to the corner store earlier today and it was fine ^_^ i'm going to be very careful with them...
what else... i'm getting my septum pierced next wednesday! my friend (same one who slept over) is getting herseptum done as well along with her bellybutton... i'm so excited!! i've wanted a septum piercing for so long but my mom thinks they're ugly... she's in for a surprise when she picks me up from the train station for winter break. devil emoji. i also got a package of xmas stuff from my mom earlier this week, it had a little tiny tree that lights up and a gingerbread house and hot chocolate mix and stuff ^_^
that's all i can really think of right now... i should probably get working on my essay now. i don't have much written for it cause i'm struggling a bit... but i will survive.
good moring!!! it's 3:40 am right now... if you haven't noticed, i've been trying to be active here and update my site more than once every 10 years recently. i've actually been enjoying coming on here more, so hopefully i'll keep it up! i've been thinking about abandoning tumblr for a little while and shacking up here full time -- just cause i feel like i've been too online.
this week is the second-to-last week of classes! i'm so excited... i only have 2 in person exams which i'm so happy about. one of the 3 take home exams is an analytical essay i still need to start (it's about language-based discrimination, how some languages or dialects are seen as better than others, and how the language or dialect someone speaks can be a determining factor in how they're seen by society); the other two are regular exams but online and open-book. one of the in person ones, for my intro to linguistics class, i'm not too worried about. i'm planning to make flashcards for studying and since i've been doing pretty ok in the class, i think ill be fine. my philosohy exam, on the other hand... so i got 80% on the first midterm which is pretty good, but i'm pretty sure i bombed the second one, and i have philosophy. so. i'm a bit worried. but a long as i pass the class i'm fine.
for next term, i think i need to switch around my classes again -- on tuesdays, i have 4 classes in a row starting from 8:30, with no breaks in between. but the problem with that is that the schedule i have was literally the best i could come up with because i had to many freaking time conflicts with required classes and etc, and i had to end up taking varieties of english instead of a required class... not that i'm complaining, i actually was planning on taking that class second year, but... yeah. idk, i'll figure it out eventually.
lately i've been having such a hard time getting myself out of bed. it's become a real problem, i barely go to class unless it's one i can do from my bed, and when i am up it's in the middle of the night. if i have plans or need to clean for room inspections i canget up and get stuff done no problem, but then i'm super keyed-up and energetic way past when i need to go to sleep and it ends up messing up my sleep schedule, and i don't like to take sleeping pills unless i can sleep for at least 12 hours uninterrupted and by the time i end up retiring for the night it's like 2, 3 in the morning and i can't very well just sleep until 3 pm so i don't take the sleeping pills and then i'm up all night and end up falling asleep around like 7 in the morning and by the time i need to go to class i've barely gotten any sleep so i just roll back over and end up waking up at like 3 pm anyways. and then my whole day is wasted so what's the point in getting up...
anyways the reason i'm up now is cause i became nocturnal since thursday and i slept all day sunday. i did manage to get up to shower, though, which is good cause i've been putting it off because i've been too tired to get up, and bad because now i have no towels and have to do laundry on tuesday. grrr...
actually, one thing i realy like about living in the city is that there's a 24/7 convenience store barely 100m away from my residence building, so i can go buy slushies whenever i want. it's seriously awesome. i like to buy my chocolate milk from there too, i've been going through a lot of that lately which probably isn't that great cause a 2l carton of chocolate milk is literally 5 whole dollars. oh well.
moving on, i've almost finished buying everyone xmas presents! i don't celebrate the religious part of xmas, in fact i'm actually seriously considering starting the process of converting to judaism (probably sometime next year, i'd like to have an actual apartment her first before i start; also, i still need to choose which synagogue i'm gonna go for), but i love buying people presents and this time of year is the perfect time, so i figured why not. there's still a couple of people i need to buy something for, but i've got most people already!
ok this is getting a bit long and i want to go buy a slushie and maybe smoke weed while i'm outside, so i'm gonna go. bye bye!!
hi there... sorry it took me so long to update i kept thinking about it i swear but i either didn't have time to sit down and write a lot or i hadn't really been doing anything worthy of blogging about... i'm here now though ^_^ the site has a new look! it took me a while to get the layout the way i wanted, and then it took me extra long to move all the content to the new layout (because i like it when the whole site loks the same rather than having different layouts for different pages..), and the preview still won't update because my index is broken or something -_- so annoying...
anyways, i've mostly just been doing school stuff. fall term is almost over -- it went by so fast! there are about 2 weeks of classes left, and i have to say i'm kind of scared about my philosophy grade... so i got 80% on the first midterm which i was really happy about, but then the other day we had the second midterm which i'm pretty sure i got really bad on. cause on wednesday night i was going to study and then go get high but i got bored of studying 5 minutes in so i took some edibles but i accidentally took way too much and i was basically incapacitated until thursday afternoon ToT and then i had a couple hours to study so i was really cramming and then i walked into the lecture hall and immediately forgot everything i studied. so...
aside from philosophy i think i'm going pretty good in all my other classes, i have over 70% in everything and most of my final exams (besides philosophy and intro linguistics) are take-home and/or open book. so i'm just planning on going through all the lecture slides from every class and taking even more notes, re-reading the textbooks, etc. i really want to finish the first term strong, and i might need to end up switching a class or two around in the winter term because my schedule is a little fucked up. like 4 classes in a row fucked up. it's honestly so scary.
i've been able to hang out with a couple of friends! i met another one of my tumblr mutuals back in october, we went to a coffee shop for 2 hours and talked, and then i hung out with one of my irls this past wednesday and the week before! it was so nice getting to spend time with people, i was feeling kinda bad for a while there about having no friends here and not being able to spend time with or talk to literally anybody... but it's all good now!
i might have mentioned ebfore, but i cancelled my meal plan because the dining hall was too scary; recently i've been able to get out to the chinese grocery store an hour away from me and i stocked up on ramen and frozen dumplings ^_^ so now if i don't feel like going grocery shopping or going out for food i've got good ramen right here. i got miso, shio, nagasaki, and kumamoto ramen. my favourites.
ummm aside from all that, i can't really think of much else of note. bye bye ^_^
hiii what's up every one... i can't sleep so im writing this blog post ^_^ the first 3 weeks of uni have gone by super fast! i like all my classes, homework isn't too much or too hard (half of it isn't even marked, it's just voluntary exercises), and the majority of my midterms and final exams are going to be take home and multiple choice!! i still haven't made any friends but that's fine because i'm online a lot anyways so i still have people to talk to.
i think my two linguistics classes are my most favourite, closely followed by my algonquin language class. i'm not gonna say which dialect we're learning, because that would certainly give away where i live, but it's super fun, and i'm really enjoying the cultural knowledge we're learning alongside the vocabulary. my linguistics classes are super interesting as well, my psycholinguistics class is super sick and i find myself really intrigued by the questions and theories that psycholinguistics poses, and my general linguistics class is also super awesome because we're learning about phonetics right now and studying the international phonetic alphabet which is the coolest thing ever. transcribing things is so fun.
my other two classes are okay, essay writing isn't super interesting but it's pretty easy plus the prof is nice, philosophy is fine i guess. not really my thing, the lecture is super long (3 freaking hours long), but it's whatever. i'll deal.
other than that, i've been playing both clangen and everskies a lot, and also sleeping. i've fucked up my sleeping schedule by going to sleep super early and then waking up as late as i can manage which is so annoying because now i've slept too much and i'm awake at midnight on a saturday. i was gonna buy benadryl at shoppers to knock myself out and get back to a regular schedule but they were all sold out because apparently all of ontario is sick right now. fuck my life
i also started trying to wear a bit of makeup recently which has been fun! nothing too much, just eyeshadow + brow gel on both my brows and eyelashes. i feel like trying to do concealer/foundation/everything else would take too long and i don't really care to figure out how to make it look natural so i'm just not gonna bother with it... also i've been doing nails this week and last which i love because of the tapping sounds. oh and i cropped 2 of my shirts because the first 2 weeks were hot as balls good god it was like 25 degrees every day... they look super cute! but it's cooled down a lot now, it's like 13ish every day and rainy which is weather i LOVE i heart depressing weather. back to the topic tho it's been fun experimenting with my gender expression and stuff, i do honestly love presenting a bit more on the feminine side sometimes but i don't like doing it around people i know irl (well... just cis people tbh) because i feel like i'll get laughed at or something... but i don't know anyone here so it's fine!! neither of my flatmates have said anything which is good but i barely ever see them anyways so
actually today i was just laying in bed for hours on end doing nothing and around like 4 o'clock i had to pee really bad on account of i drank an orange crush plus fanta plus a monster in rapid succession and i was trying to sneak out to use the washroom and i have suddenly developed severe social anxiety after moving here and i don't like getting caught walking around the apartment by my flatmates for literally no reason because both of them are nice but anyways i put my ear to the door to hear if anyone was in the hall or had guests over and i couldnt hear them so i opened the door and went out into the hall and both of my roommates were in the main room playing beer pong with random people T0T I LITERALLY COULD NOT EVEN HEAR IT THROUGH THE DOOR IT WAS SO SCARY luckily this unit is so fucking shaped that they couldnt see me and i was able to go pee and then return to my room undisturbed. yay
ANOTHER STORY so like last week i was bored as fuck so i downloaded grindr because my friend who goes to a different uni said it was fun, so im just judging people and chatting with a few ppl my age and there was this one guy who said he was 19 who messaged me and was like hey are u looking for anything rn and i was like erm well that depends if ur cis or trans and hes like im ftm and iw as like oh sick me too and then he sends me a photo of his cock which startled me but i just didnt look at it and then after that he kept asking me to hang out, i had nothing better to do so i was like yeah sure whatever and he asked me if i have snapchat (i don't) so i was like no i can make one and he was like sure so i went to go make a snapchat and i started to get a weird feeling so i was like scrolling thru our chat and i was like what the hell lets look at this guys cock who even cares so i like tapped on the image for a second and i was like hold on just wait one second. how is this guy 19 and already has fully healed phallo that looks actually realistic. i may have been able to get top surgery at 17 but phallo is done in multiple stages right and theres lots of healing between them so theres no way hes got fully healed FINISHED phalloplasty at 19 years of age. so i message him and im like hey sorry actually i dont feel comfortable meeting up w u im sorry and then i go to check to see if hes still online or not and his profile now says 24. good bye bitch. and then i deleted my account thats my grindr story
that's all i can think of to say. i think i might have autism. goodnight ^_^
hello hello! the new school year has started, and i'm officially in university now!!! i moved into my residence last saturday, classes started on wednesday (sept 07), and i'm really happy with how everything is going! i'm taking the honours linguistics program at my university, so i have a bunch of linguistics courses i'm taking this year; during the fall term i have introduction to linguistics and language and the mind, and during the winter term i have intro to syntax, intro to morphology, and varieties of english. so far the classes have mostly just been reading over the syllabus and doing introductions, but i did have one normal intro to linguistics lecture the other day, and it was sooooo good. i took so many notes... i've been really liking microsoft onenote because i get microsoft office stuff free through my uni and there's not much setup required. my textbooks were so freaking expensive though omg its so crazy EVEN THOUGH THEYRE ALL RENTALS. i should get some of that money back tbh i need to save everything i can...
anyways my week has been pretty good. we did the 6 hour drive from my hometown to uni on saturday (03) and after we got all my stuff in my room and some of the stuff set up, my parents took me to walmart to get groceries and then we had to rush over to bestbuy because we thought it would be open later and i needed a longer ethernet cable. but we got it all in the end, and then there was this crazy thunderstorm that night but my parents got home safely which is good. then on sunday i... didn't really do much. monday and tuesday i mostly was just making sure i had everything i needed, i walked around outside for a little bit but it was so scary outside because i'm right downtown and it was crazy busy. wednesday i only had one class which was nice but then i had 3 on thursday and 3 on friday... well my indigenous language class got cancelled because of technical difficulties which was kind of annoying but whatever. and then yesterday (sat) i didn't really do much again. and then that brings us to today.
other stuff that's happened since i last updated... my cat broke her foot! she was jumping off the counter and caught her foot on one of the drawer handles... she got a splint put on it and she's been on crate rest for the past couple weeks. so sad. also my and my ex bff who went on that weird rant about neopronouns finally reconciled, she messaged me on instagram saying how sorry she was and how she was ashamed of the things she said and how she doesn't believe them anymore. it felt so good to get an apology from her, oh my god. as time went on i kind of started to give up hope that she ever would... but she did! and we talked and we agreed that we can move forward from it. i'm so indescribably happy about this but it took me a while to gather my thoughts because when i get emotional it gets hard for me to articulate what i'm feeling... but yay!! friends again!!!
ALSO THE QUEEN DIED LMFAO
other than that nothing much has happened, so that's all for this blog post. bye bye!!
hiiiii hi hiii hello. sorry i was gone for so long again i have an excuse this time tho i went on a road trip to newfoundland for my uncle's funeral and it took like two whole weeks. and i was on some island half the time and the data there was soooo bad it was really annoying... but it's okay because i still had a good time we went out in the boat and walked around the island lots and we ate lots of fish because everybody went out fishing like twice a day (i love fish) aaaaaaand yeah it was very fun and the driving was fun too we got to stay in a couple of university residences that were along our route and i finally got to go on a campus tour for the uni i'm going to in september!
aside from that, i've mostly just been hanging out at home. i quit my job at the beginning of july and finished around the end (about two days before we left for nfld) so i'm an unemployed girl now... i've been gathering materials for residence, since i'm doing apartment style i have to get kitchen stuff too but i've been talking to my roommates so we are kind of coordinating who's bringing what. but i'm honestly so excited about it like i actually can't wait i love learning and i'm really interested in the stuff i'm gonna be studying!!!!
aside from that, i've mostly just been hanging out at home. i quit my job at the beginning of july and finished around the end (about two days before we left for nfld) so i'm an unemployed girl now... i've been gathering materials for residence, since i'm doing apartment style i have to get kitchen stuff too but i've been talking to my roommates so we are kind of coordinating who's bringing what. but i'm honestly so excited about it like i actually can't wait i love learning and i'm really interested in the stuff i'm gonna be studying!!!!
i gave myself a haircut on thursday, it used to be halfway to my shoulder blades (like balow my shoulders but not quite to my shoulder blades yet) and now it's like chin length and i think it looks soooo good. i'm really glad it turned out good because i was a bit worried about it, this is the most i've cut off myself because usually i just do trims... but my friend max said it suits me and my friend adam says it looks slay so i'm happy ^_^ even my mom had nothing bad to say about it and she haaaaaates when i cut my own hair so i'm counting that as a win. i also tried a new dye on it... it's darker than i would have wanted but that's fine, it will wash out eventually.
also i've been updating the site a lot! i was going to write a blog post earlier but i haven't been at my computer in a bit... i think it looks nice, i wanted it to kind of reflect stuff that i like more (eg. stars and blue and etc) and i wanted it to be more accessible to different screens so i worked on the layout for about four hours before it turned out how i wanted and making it reactive for different screen sizes and for mobile screens was literally an accident it took me half an hour to figure out how i did that. i'm not complaining though!
i was trying to put a music player as well which is why my account is a supporter account right now, i uploaded a bunch of mp3 files and had to pay $5 to host them on neocities and it didn't even freaking work i had to embed the playlists from bandcamp on the music page which isn't what i was intending to do but oh well at least i have a music player... i just have to figure out how to embed from other streaming platforms for albums that aren't on bandcamp. but if you're reading this GO LISTEN TO WASTEISOLATION AND CUTIEMARKS RIGHT NOW PLEEEEEEASE PLEASE PLEASE. please.
what else.... well a few hours ago i joined everskies because i kept seeing peoples outfits everywhere... i joined around 7 and then when i looked up it was 2 am i seriously was entranced. it was sooo fun tho i love fashion and making outfits. i am such a f slur...
that's all i can think of for now, so i'm going to go to sleep now because it is 3:22 am. byeee ^_^
hiiiiii erm so. sorry for not posting anything all of june… and may… i forgot i had this website lol ummmm well i’ve been up to a lot!! so i got my residence placement for uni and enrolled in most of my classes, had a bit of a problem but hopefully that will be sorted out soon ^_^
also i graduated high school!! finally i’m done i’m sooooo excited… it’s a little surreal to me still. i get to pick up my diploma on the 5th! me and my irl friend went to pride in our city, i wore my platform cowboy boots which are surprisingly comfortable for being super bad quality, and i also wore my miku tank top i got from hot topic (totally got ripped off also… that shit cost $30 but it was just a shirt with the sleeves cut off. whatever i love miku i forgive her) and got complimented on it which was awesome. i was wearing my progress pride flag like a cape but i think the miku shirt was the gayest thing about my outfit. and my friend went in drag and looked really good, they kept getting so many compliments and a few weird comments but whatever… they wore heels which probably wasn’t the best idea bc we kept having to stop for them to rest their feet. and then afterwards we got wendys and went home and that was a super fun day!! there were no vendors or anything but we got to watch this big drag performance and there were lots of small businesses and healthcare-related booths advertising stuff.
and then prom was supposed to be the day after gradustion but we didn’t really want to go because. well we don’t like people in our town.
so we decided to go to the trans march in toronto instead!! we took miette my tumblr mutual turned irl also, it was suuuuper fun even tho my feet hurt super bad from all the walking. i bought a cake and encountered a weird loblaws deli person and we fed some of the cake to a pigeon and we saw lots of naked people there which was a little scary but... kink at pride and naked people at pride are beautiful and i love them. and we eventually found the march and it was so fun to watch and i teared up a little… seeing all the people with ‘i love my trans wife/parent/child/etc’ signs was really heartwarming… idk. so much love in the world. i could talk about this at length i think… maybe ill write another post just about love and transgenderism. if i have time.
anyways and then after the march was finished we took the subway back to union and the go train back to where we parked the car and then i drove us all home… i saw a raccoon and a skunk and a rabbit while driving on the back roads because it was past midnight by the time we were like halfway home. and then i passed out and that brings us to today!!
i’m turning in my two weeks at work next week… a little scared but also excited because i’m getting ready to go off to university!!! yay!!! and i’m gonna try to update this site more i prommy… though i doubt anyone’s actually paying much attention to me. lol. oh!! i’m gonna start uploading my minecraft screenshots to the photobook… that’s what i’m gonna be using it for. that’s everything i had to say i think. until next time!!
omg hai heres a blog post for this week ^_^ one of my coworkers put in her 2 weeks on tuesday she’s going to a place that pays $25/hour (lucky…) so i’m probably gonna be working a lot more. well more money for me plus i really don’t mind my job and my boss is pretty nice so it’s whatever.
i bought my friend filsan minecraft yesterday and we played together for like 2 hours today and it was sooooo fun ^_^ i also had to read all of king lear in like an hour for miette but it didn’t even matter because i just had to help clarify an essay question for it KING LEAR SUCKS BTW i hate it so much like its not good. whatever btw i hope u get a good grade on that miette goodluck!!
umm what else……..i bought a pair of platform cowboy boots today that were entirely too expensive and i also got a pair of pink jeans and a pair of cargo shorts from yesstyle i’m excited for them!! i have like no pants i like to wear i have one pair that i’m wearing that i got from a huge sale at frank and oak, i have like 4 pairs of sweatpants, and i have a pair of white tweed pants from h&m. and 2 pairs of dress pants and anther pair of like nicer pants not dress pants but something you’d wear to a job interview. and none of them are the kind of pants i want to wear often except for the sweatpants i guess i think i’m okay at dressing them up… um yeah so i am going thrift shopping tomorrow morning before work for jeans i can upcycle i want to cut out a bunch of stars and sew them onto another pair ^_^ and also i want to get a pair of courds. they are my fave kind of pants also i need leggings because i kind of don’t like jean texture much ALSO I REMEMBERED i was gonna make jean shorts too.
annnnd i am going to sign up for a lane swim in the summer because i want to start exercising more and i love swimming it’s so fun. i’m trying to be more myself! that’s all i can think of to say so byeeeeeeeee
- preface i forgot to post this so this is uploaded a week late!
it rained so much today and my freaking sister stole my umbrella -_- that was honestly so rude of her i’m still mad i need to steal it back sometime…waiting for the right opportunity.
oh also!! i have my road test next week for my driver’s license!!! i’m super excited, i’m honestly not too worried about it because i’m pretty confident in my driving skill. although i do need to practice backing into parking spaces and parallel parking and three point turns. but other than that i’m excited! after i get my license me and miette are meeting up and i’m super looking forward to that, it’ll be the first tumblr mutual i’ve ever met irl i’m so excited to be able to call him my irl ^_^ i want to meet aaaaaaaalll my muties irl we need to have tumblr in real life.
anyways besides that ummmm what else… i redyed my hair a little while ago because it was getting pretty faded… midterms were submitted this morning at 9 and i’m waiting for it to be updated for uni just to make sure they won’t rescind my offer of admission or my scholarship because that would SUCK also i’m trying to think of what i’m gonna do for work while in school… i think i might do some little essay editing business or something, maybe work in the library idk. i want to be an RA in second year because apparently not only do they pay you but they also pay for your room and that would honestly be a really huge help because i mean i am very lucky to have a job that gives me consistent shifts that i enjoy pretty well and my parents have agreed to help me with tuition fees but i would have to take out so many loans to be able to pay for residence that shit literally costs more than tuition for some fucking reason WHATEVER ahhhh i hate thinking about money except when i look in my bank account and see how loaded i am smirky face.
ok um ummmmmmmm im really cold right now. i’ve been streaming minecraft in the discord every now and again and that’s actually been fun even though nobody joins ever (SAD.) i just love minecraft. best game everrrrr ^_^ i’ve been making more cds! i got a pack of 50 for my bday along with 50 cases so i’ve got a list of cds i want to make, i’m slowly working through it.
also my art teacher hates my art so so much i’ve been using negative space as a commentary on how self discovery can make one feel isolated or lonely (at least it has in my experience) and she keeps telling me to fill it up like NO I AM MAKING SOCIAL COMMENTARY GIRL. she hates my trans gender swag. that’s it i think i can’t really think of anything else so byeeeeee ^___^
ahhhh! it’s been a while! sorry i haven’t updated in a bit >w< worst girl everrrrrr for real. i’ve been kinda busy lately and haven’t had much time to sit down and write a good blog post… but i’m finally back! yay!!!
a couple of things have happened since i’ve been gone: i turned 18 2 days ago!! i can legally buy lottery tickets now ^_^ yayyy also i was trying to make a paypal (this is one of the other things btw) but it was being so annoying and not letting me link my account -_-: rightfully so tbh because i actually lost my wallet for 2 days so i didn’t have my actual debit card number and also i forgot my password and ended up having to reset it when i found my wallet again. but it’s still not letting me link it grrrrrr i’m gonna wait a week and see if it works then.
anyways ummmmmm well i painted my nails yesterday! actually i tried to paint them differently on Monday but i think my clear nail polish was expired or something because it just would not dry like it was getting all gummy and shit. gross. so sad too because it would have been so cute i was trying to do clear polish over metallic star stickers on my bare nails but it wouldn’t even work… i just painted them light blue yesterday.
i’ve actually been really good with not biting my nails over the past few months! i used to bite them like all day every day and my fingers looked so gross but now my nails actually look really nice! and they’re long! i can’t remember the last time i had long nails. i honestly love it.
another thing is i booked my road test! by may i will (hopefully) have my g2 license!!! so so scared to pay for insurance… legally i’m an adult male so insurance is going to be expeeeeeeeeeeensive. oh well i have a job i can afford it maybe. maybe. at least i’ll be able to drive places afterwards! i’m really looking forward to that.
final thing i think is that i became addicted to kitkat minis. i can’t stop eating them i love kitkat i love putting things in my mouth its so perfect. side-eyes my bag of kitkat minis sitting 17 cm from me. well anyways that’s all i have to say no long rambly post from me tonight. xoxo
march 11th.. it’s march break now! yay!! i thought i’d make a little short blog post about my week, just so that if anybody is actually keeping up with me they don’t have to read my long-ass 1300 word ramble to see what’s been going on with me.
notable events from this week: my snoopy pencil finally came, i did pretty good on a mock-jlpt test on monday, i dyed my hair blue! i don’t know. not a very eventful week, i guess. same-old. i’ve been playing minecraft a bit; stopped building a house to write this, actually. i posted a quick one on wednesday, i think. but, um... yeah. that’s mostly it.
i booked off prom from work even though i’m not going; i don’t want to wear a suit because the way suit pants fit me make me feel really dysphoric, but i’ll be gawked at if i wear a dress. there’s really no winning for me in this situation. but i don’t want to have to work the night of and morning after with my boss, so i figure i'll just say i'm busy. not like he's gonna be there...
oh! another thing! since i got top surgery i haven’t worn the cowgirl crop top i have, but i tried it on the other day... oh. my. god. it looks so cute on me now. i love it so much. i like to wear more feminine clothes sometimes (skirts, crop tops; even my normal wardrobe isn’t the most masculine... i dress way better than my male classmates though) but i felt so good in that... yeah. just wanted to mention that.
i can’t really think of anything else to add, so i guess this is it from me! i’m also planning on getting the gender page done after work tomorrow afternoon, so stay tuned for that if you’re interested! ;P
hiiii hi hello this is my first blog post on here! i figure this will probably operate like a diary that anybody can just... read if they want to, so i'm not going to hold back when it comes to talking about whatever i want to. i'm planning on the blog landing page just being like. a list of dates hyperlinked to their corresponding blog posts. or something. i might arrange them by category or just have a seperate page for each of them with back/home/next buttonsat the top. like i said, i'm not sure yet. i'll probably decide as i'm writing this entry...
my day was pretty good today! i got some german schoko bananen candies at lunch which actually were probably very expired and kind of tasted like carpet but that's okay... i also had my kitkat minis stolen from my backpack's side pocket but that's also whatever idrc about them. i finished my short story for english class and most of my reading notebook for the great gatsby, plus i finished my drawing for art class yesterday so i just kind of touched it up in places for the whole period. it was about -10 out so i wore a polar fleece which was a really good idea because that wind was COLD.
then after school i went to work where DOUG FORD BOUGHT CHOCOLATE MILK???? like from me. i sold the premier of ontario chocolade milk from a gas station. crazy. he was arguing with my boss about whether or not he could start selling donuts again lol... that guy is so much shorter than i expected. and his hair is really greasy. my boss said he would send me and the coworker i was with tonight a picture of him on the cameras for proof. my town is barely on the map so i was completely caught off guard by him coming in. i might understand it if was a little town near toronto, but we are not close to toronto. but he was there nonetheless... so so strange.
after that it was pretty quiet for a very long while. and then i went home and ate the rest of my banana marshmallows i boughtyesterday and i'm going to cook hotdogs in a bit because i'm still kind of hungry. those stale as fuck marshmallows were not very filling. anyways, i'm off to... write a really long vent, i guess. i hope anyone reading has a nice day!